Wednesday, August 29, 2007

pickup lines

The whole "pickup line" possibility in bars has been ruined through the popularization of using these "lines" as jokes. Which is totally appropriate because if someone actually said some of those miserable puns you'd probably gain a much grimmer view of the human intellect. In fact, if people still used those bad pickup lines perhaps the educational system would improve. We should have never turned pickup lines into a meme.

Either way, those cute ways of getting a person's attention just don't exist anymore. They've manifested in many different ways. These I would consider the "21st century pickup lines" or just recognition of a new way to mock certain individuals.

One of the favorites is the ever popular "eeeehey! pssst." They word "hey" isn't pronounced and is instead pronounced "ay" yet without the flair that could have been applied in the Spanish language. This pickup line is always said in an undertone, in a faux-whisper--as though not trying to disturb you but making it loud enough so you know they're there. In fact, they make certain everyone knows their there until the specified person(s) turn their head. What entertains me about this particular mean to pick up a person is their insistence to treat the passerby as a pet. Its as though going "pssst" would appeal to some desire to let out to use the restroom.

A very common line is to initially ask "Are you single?" Suitors, this question is never appropriate. It puts the pursued into a state of panic. Do I lie and say I'm "with someone." I guess its not technically a lie if I'm hanging out with some friends. After a few drinks, will I tell the truth? Just because I tell a person I'm single isn't an invitation. I don't know how to tell someone "Yes I'm single but no I will not accompany you to get 'coffee' (read:go to your place) after I've been drinking all night."

Without a doubt, if the latter line is answered honestly as "single" the next line will follow: "How can a pretty girl like you be single?" Nothing causes me such hatred burning in my body as this statement. How can I be single? Let's see--do you really want me to answer that question? It's probably because guys like you have turned me off of dating. I want to respond "Sort of how a guy like you can find someone dumb enough to date you."

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